We live in a society where anyone’s business is everybody’s business. What others are eating, drinking, wearing or wasting their time on becomes the topics of endless discussions on which we fondly waste our time. We, like a scientist albeit a bad one, gather information, fill in the gaps with our over-worked imaginations, scrutinize, analyze and draw conclusions which such unabashed certainty that it is often scary. We compare and contrast our situation with those of others and find pleasure in their sufferings. Sit amidst a gathering for a while and the focus would shift to those not present, and their absence would be graced with personal remarks. Others out of the earshot may also get discussed.
“yaar yae larki kitni patli hai. Larkiyun ko itna bhi patla nae hona chayae (This girl looks so thin. Girls should not be this thin)”
There is other side to this coin as well, and the fashion advice continues.
“Tauba! yae larki kitni mottee hai aur iski dressing tou dekhu. Motii larkiyun per aisay kapray suite nae kertay (Oh God, look at the dress she is wearing and look at her weight. Such clothes do not suite fat girls)”
Attention is not always directed outwards. Such calamity may befall those present in the gathering making them extremely uncomfortable. Such personal and thoughtless comments may spoil someone’s day or make it worse.
Every religion on the face of this planet discourages backbiting and promotes minding your business. Initially, I used to think such rules are primarily in place for the welfare of others. However, with age, I have realized that such commandments are in place to ensure our own peace of mind. If we get caught up in pointing problems in others, then we tend to lose sight of our own blessings. We surround ourselves with such negative energy that we miss out on all the good things in life of which there is plenty.
Such negativity creates a sense of insecurity. Sooner than later, we start to identify and magnify the flaws in ourselves or other loved ones. When we criticize often, we try our bests to avoid criticism ourselves and fashion our lives accordingly. It makes us overly defensive, and puts us on guard as we cannot be scared of something that is not a part of our reality. In the end, it takes away the freedom to experience life and joy. By hitting at other people’s vulnerabilities, we expose our own. In addition, it is just a lot of energy wasted, which could be channeled into something more constructive and deserving more attention. If we really have an issue with a person, then talking to that person would be more helpful rather than talking about him or her.
Normal is what the majority does. Unfortunately, gossiping has become a norm nowadays and those unengaged get sidelined and are considered out of ordinary, overly modest or even fake. Therefore, it is always easy to play along. You might even annoy some. A friend of mine would only respond with brief “mmhmm” or complete silence to my attempts at talking about others. The topics of discussion were approached with an air of making a change in the society by talking about its ills on which I had no power on. Still, the response from him was always the same. It would make me want to take my hair out. Now, when I look back it, those topics were not worthy of mention, and my friend was just minding his own business and doing it well. This way, he was keeping his life and mind clutter-free.
By minding business, we do ourselves a favor most of all. Once the initial awkwardness wears off, you start to attract like-minded company. Better still, we start to inspire people with our positivity and overall goodness.
sahrishahmadgul 